That's What They Said: Sweetness, New Vocabulary, and the Worst Dream EVER

Baylor:  (looking at me lovingly)  Mommy, I love you.
Me:  Bubba, I love you, too!
Baylor:  And I love your beautiful wavy hair.  (runs his hands over the top of my head)
Me:  Well, thank you, sweetie!
Baylor:  I like how it flops over one eye.
Me:  Thanks, bubbs.
Baylor:  (touches my forehead)  You have a nice ...
Me:  Forehead?
Baylor:  Yeah, forehead.  (cheerfully)  You could get a tattoo on it!
Me:  (laughing)  Okay.
Baylor:  (lovingly)  You could get a heart tattoo on your forehead.
Me:  Well, I'm not so sure Daddy would like that.
Baylor:  A HEART tattoo?
Me:  Even a heart tattoo.


(On a walk to the library, I was holding the kids hands, and - feeling a lot of love in the air - I lifted each one and gave it a kiss.)
Baylor:  (sweetly)  Mom, in the in-brain video game in my head, that kiss did a lot!  It boosted my love points and my experience points.
Me:  Awww, buddy!  You are so sweet!
Baylor:  I even leveled up!


Amalia:  Mom, I was listening to you and Baylor talking.
Me:  Yeah.
Amalia:  Yeah, I was ... wait, what was I doing?  Egg bursting?
Me: (thinking)  Eaves dropping?
Amalia:  Yeah!  Eaves dropping!  I'm going to call it egg bursting from now on, though.




(After hearing moaning from Amalia's room and then crying, she finally called me up using the saddest voice I have heard from her in a while.)
Amalia:  Mommy, I had the worst dream EVER.  (sobs)
Me:  (comforting her, remembering all the recent bad dreams she's had with bad guys breaking into our house)  Tell me about it, sweetie.
Amalia:  (crying)  I was at the beach or somewhere like that with some people and we went to get ice cream afterwards and I DIDN'T ORDER ANYTHING!!!  (sobs)
Me:  (desperately trying to stifle laughter building up inside me)  Ohh, sweetie!
Amalia:  (sobs and starts to roll over to go back to sleep)
Me:  (still trying to not laugh)  Okay, well why don't you have a dream and order some.
Amalia:  (sobbing)  I CAN'T!  They were already driving AWAY!!
Me:  Okay.  Then let's have a dream where you live in an ice cream store and can have all the ice cream you want.
Amalia:  (indignantly)  NO!
Me:  Okaaaay.  How 'bout, have a dream where you are with a thousand Sleep Sheep?
Amalia:  (indignantly)  NO!
Me:  Oooookaaaaaay.  Then just, have sweet dreams.  I love you, love you, love you.
(And, being my daughter, she promptly fell back asleep.)

Mother's Day 2017

Today was Mother's Day, and we had grand plans.  We were going to spend the morning at home then head to my parents' house to celebrate around 2:00.  But that didn't happen.  One of the kiddos had some gastrointestinal distress, so we stayed home and had a low-key day.

Mollie wrote this on the door a day or two ago, and it was so beautiful I just couldn't erase it.  

Baylor's initial thought was to make a spa day for me, but since the first part of it was a bath and I had just gotten out of the shower, I had to pass on it.  Both kids actually agreed to play a game with us, though, so we enjoyed Forbidden Island a couple times.

Bryson ran to my parents' house to help move a couch and pick up a couple things, so the kids and I snuggled in for a movie.  I don't think I have the hang of selfies yet.

Finding Dory was awesome, but I got a little choked up at a couple spots and worried the kids silly.  Baylor coached me to "take a deeeep breath", and they both hugged me until I was smiling again.

Bryson made us dinner, then it was time to get the kids up to bed.  In keeping with the day, that took way longer than usual, but once the kids were snuggled up in their beds, the adults got to indulge in a sweet treat, courtesy of my dear sister.

The kids gave me some adorable gifts today, too.  Baylor made me a card at school.

It is tough to tell from this picture, but it is actually a pop-up card!

Mollie was rather prolific this year.  The first gift she gave me was a sheet about me.

It reads (with a few spelling corrections for clarity): "My name is Mollie.  I am 7 years old.  My mom's name is Nicole.  She is 35 years old.  For work, she helps me and my brother.  She loves to snuggle, but she hates to yelling!  She is always saying, "Set the table!"  My favorite meal my mom cooks is pizza.  She is best at consequences.  She is not very good at (she put some symbols here to show that I am apparently good at everything).  Her favorite color is green.  My mom and I like to snuggle.  She loves me because I behave, and I love her because she loves me!"  Adorable!

She also made me a cut-out of some sort.  It has fringe, which I know she just learned how to make at school, and when opened up it looks a little like a bird.  

She also made me a beautiful flower in art class.

And another one in her first grade classroom.

While I mowed the lawn yesterday, she apparently set up a couple folders around her so no one could see what she was doing and drew me a picture with Sharpies.  So sweet!

My sister spoiled me, too; she found a canvas zip-top bag with the Doose's Market logo on it!(Gilmore Girls fans will know what I'm talking about)

And my parents gave me a gift card all loaded up so I could enjoy some pretzels from my favorite pretzel shop!

But the best part of today was all the love I got from my kiddos.  Neither of them was feeling particularly stellar, but they both showered me with hugs and snuggles and a few kisses on my cheeks.  I am so grateful for those two; they made me a mom and are the best kiddos a mom could ask for.

To all you moms out there (including my own wonderful mom), I hope you had an awesome Mother's Day full of joy - and maybe a little relaxation.

And to all of you out there whose hearts are hurting today - be it from the loss of a mother, the loss of a child, childlessness in general, or any other reason - I hope you were able to find solace and a bit of hope for Mother's Days to come.

Happy Mother's Day to you and yours!

Flashback Friday: This Year's Father-Daughter Dance

The lead-up to the dance was a bit more awkward than it was last year ...

(While we were working on their Pinewood Derby cars ...)
Bryson:  Amalia, I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me?  (holds up the invite to the Valentine's Day father-daughter dance Mollie was dying to go to last year)  It's the father-daughter dance!  It's on February 6th.  Would you like to go with me?
Amalia:  (without looking up from her Derby car and without any excitement)  What day is it on?
Bryson:  (laughing and a bit taken-aback)  It's on Saturday, February 6th.
Me:  (laughing)  Why, Mols?  You busy?  (trying to help)  And hey, you'd get to get all dressed up!
Amalia:  (without looking up again)  What time?
Bryson:  It's from 6:30 to 8:30, so you'd get to stay up a little later.
Amalia:  (finally looks up excitedly)  Okay!  I want to go!
Bryson:  Okay then.

Excitement for the dance eventually built and practice was called for.

The day of the dance we tried to put some nail stickers on Mollie's nails ...

... and cute though they were, they came off very easily.

No matter, though, there was still excitement to be had!  This year, Bryson bought Mollie a corsage!

Needless to say, she loved it!

They made quite an adorable pair.

Baylor and I went on a little date ourselves.  We picked up some dinner from McDonald's and enjoyed it at home.  And, of course, we indulged in some shamrock shakes.

It was fun getting to be a "yes mommy" for an evening!  "Can we play the McPlay video games, Mom?"  "Why, yes we can!

"Mommy, can we play Bloxels?"  "Why, yes we can!"

In spite of her initial excitement at getting to stay up late, Mollie and Bryson ended up coming back early.  She even got to check out some of the fun Baylor and I had been having.

It turned out to be a fun night for all of us!  Can't wait to do it again next year!

That's What They Said: Life Lessons and Lots of Love

(After suggesting that we keep her eczema lotion near her pajama drawer so we don't forget to put it on BEFORE her pj's ...)
Amalia:  (insistent)  No, Mom, that won't work.  I'll forget to do it.
Me:  Well, why don't we give it the old college try?  If it doesn't work, we'll try something else.
Amalia:  (deep in thought)  Mommy, if you are in college, do you just give it a try?
Me:  (smiling)  Sure.  Something like that.



(Heard over the monitor right at 7:00 a.m.)
Baylor:  (singing)  Moooommmy!  Cooome heeeerree!  It's time to waaaaaaake up!  Uhh-uhh!  I want to seeeeee your beautiful faaaaaaace because I looooooooove you!



Baylor:  (to Mollie)  I wish I could draw hearts over my head because I love you so much!



(Just after he woke up one morning ...)
Baylor:  Mom, I have learned something in third grade!
Me:  Yeah, buddy?  What is it?
Baylor:  It is an important life lesson ... you can never be too safe.
Me:  Ah, I see.
Baylor:  (getting somber)  I didn't tell you this, Mom, but I fell down twice yesterday at school.
Me:  You did?
Baylor:  Yeah.  I fell down in the hallway on my way back from specials, and I took a corner a little too tight on the playground and fell.
Me:  I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie.  Are you okay?
Baylor:  Yeah, but they hurt.  So you can never be too safe.  (thinking for a moment)  Well, ... maybe you CAN be too safe, but you can also be too dangerous.
Me:  Very true.
Baylor:  Like, after my concussion ... I didn't play on the playground for MONTHS.  To stay safe.  (getting even more somber) And you know what?  I felt really left out.
Me:  Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry to hear that.
Baylor:  Yeah.  So you can be too safe AND too dangerous.
Me:  I agree.

That's What They Said: Julius Caesar, What the *^% Happened This Morning, and Future Job Plans

(While holding his Who Was Julius Caesar? book ...)
Baylor:  Mom, I love this book!
Me:  Yeah?
Baylor:  Yeah!  I especially love it when he conquers Gaul!  (adopts a ninja-like stance)  I am going to use some of his battle tactics!  (makes a chopping motion)
Me:  Oh ...



(Preface:  the kids are supposed to get up at 7:00 on a school day - not earlier, not later)
6:40
Baylor:  Mooooommmmmyyyyyy, come heeeeeerrrrrrre!
Me:  (after sprinting silently up the stairs)  Yes, dear?
Baylor:  What did Mollie want?
Me:  What?
Baylor:  (after turning the indiglo on his alarm clock and seeing the time)  Oh ... I thought I heard Mollie call and I wondered what she wanted.
Me:  She didn't call.  You need to get some more sleep.
(Tucks son back in, gives kiss)
Me:  I love you, love you, love you.

6:42
Amalia:  Moooooooommmmmyyyyyy, come heeeeeerrrrre!
Me:  (after sprinting silently up the stairs so as not to alert Baylor)  Yes, dearie?
Amalia:  (crying)  I don't want to be the youngest anymore!!!
Me:  What?
Amalia:  (crying harder)  I don't want to be the youngest in our family anymore!!!!!
Me:  Oh, okay.  Well, that's just kind of how it's going to be.  But two of your cousins are younger than you.
Amalia:  (crying a little less)  But we don't see them so often ...
Me:  We do in the summer.
Amalia:  (irritated and crying)  But we don't right now!  And I meant out of you, Daddy, and Baylor.  All the first grade games are too easy for you!
Me;  Oh, okay.  I guess I am not sure what first grade games you are talking about.
Amalia:  The math and spelling ones.  They are too easy for you and I have no one to play with!
(To be fair, she has never asked me to play any of these games, and I absolutely would.)
Me:  I understand.  You can have a playdate sometime, have a friend over.
Amalia:  (whimpering)  Maybe.
Me:  And, Mollie, it won't always be this way.  Yes, you will always be the youngest.  But eventually you will catch up to everyone on what you know.  Aunt Christine is my younger sister and she and I know the same stuff.  Actually, that isn't true.  We both know a lot of things, but it won't always be the same stuff.  Aunt Christine knows more than me about some things, and I know more than her about other things.  And, believe it or not, someday you'll be happy to be the younger one.
Amalia:  (whimpers a little)
Me:  Regardless, dear, it is time for you to get some more sleep.  And Mommy has some peanut butter toast waiting for me downstairs.  I will see you soon.
(Tucks daughter back in, gives kiss)
Me:  I love you, love you, love you.

6:59
Amalia:  (in a slow, methodical, but ever-increasing in volume tone)  Moooooooommmmmyyyy, come heeeeeerrrrre!  Moooooooommmmmmyyyyy, come heeeeeeerrrree!  MOOOOOOOOMMMMYYYYY, COME HEEEEEEEEERRRRREEEEE!  MOOOOOMMMMYYYYY!  COME HEEEEEEERRRRRREEEEE!
Baylor:  Moooooommmmmyyyyy, come heeeeeeerrrrreeee!  Mooooooommmmmyyy, come heeeeeeerrrrree!
(after a minute of this ... I was trying to finish making their sandwiches for their lunches)
Me:  (after sprinting silently up the stairs)  (opens Amalia's door)  You can get up.  (opens Baylor's door)  You can get up.  And, to both of you, you know when you can get up, right?  (walks toward Baylor's room after seeing that Mollie was getting up out of bed)  I was making your lunches and didn't want them to get all crusty ...
(sees a dark creature crawling creepily near my legs)
Dark Creature:  (creepy baby voice)  Mommy!
Me:  Oh, MY!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Dark Creature (a.k.a., Amalia):  Hi, Mommy!
Me:  (heart racing as fast as it can)  Geez ... ugh!  Mol, don't do that!  Aghhh!
Baylor:  (giggling)  Can I go to the bathroom?
Me:  Yeah, go.
(kids start chattering and asking questions to me about this and that like nothing just happened)
Me:  (agitated)  Hold on!  Geez, kids!  I am still trying to calm down.  Mollie scared the crap out of me!
Baylor:  Mom, is crap a bad word?
Me:  (firmly)  Yes, but I'm REALLY worked up right now.

(And so our day began.)




(On our ride home from school)
Amalia:  Mom, we had a substitute this afternoon, and she got really mad at the class.
Me:  Why did she get mad?
Amalia:  Because some kids weren't doing what they were supposed to.
Me:  Ah, that can be really frustrating.
Amalia:  (irritated) Mommy, I just don't get it.
Me:  You don't get why she was frustrated?
Amalia:  No, I don't.
Me:  Well, being a substitute teacher is really hard work.
Baylor:  (without looking up from the book he was reading)  Kids act up.
Me:  That's right, Baylor, kids tend to act up with substitutes, and that can get really frustrating for them.  Kids think they can get away with stuff because it isn't their regular teacher, so the substitute has to be stern and might get angry.  Substitutes have to let kids know that they should be treated just like the teacher is.
Amalia:  (excitedly) That makes me think even more that I want to be a substitute teacher when I grow up!
Me:  (smiling)  Yeah?  You like having to reprimand kids?
Amalia:  Yup.  That is the kind of girl I am!

That's What They Said: Funny Girl

Amalia:  Mom, (girl at her school) and I made a secret handshake today at recess!
Me:  You did?!  That's cool.  Can you show it to me?
Amalia:  (in a serious voice)  No.
Me:  Oh, okay.
Amalia:  I forgot it.
Me:  (smiling)  Oh.



Amalia:  (to herself in bed - in a robotic voice)  Power down.  Beeeoooo.


(While playing spy Barbies ...)
Baylor:  I am calling you on my super secret radio phone.  (speaking for his Ken doll, Joe)
Amalia:  I hear you, Joe!  I will contact you soon!  Over and under!



(While waiting in the drop-off line at school ...)
Amalia:  Mom, I don't get the f-word.
Me:  (cautious)  What is the f-word, sweetie?
Amalia:  (exasperated)  Mom!  I don't wanna say it!
Me:  Okay, can you spell it?
Amalia:  F-U ...
(then my heart stopped)
Amalia:  N-K
Me:  (super relieved)  Oh, okay.  So that is the F-word?
Amalia:  Yeah, and kids at school say it!
Me:  So is it bad when I say something smells "funky"?
Amalia:  No.
Me:  Okay.  Is it bad when I say I am in a "funk"?
Amalia:  No.
Me:  Okaaaay ...
Amalia:  We're here!  Bye, Mommy!  Love you, love you, love you!
(still have no idea)

That's What They Said: Presidents, Cheese, Love, Football, and Robot Knowledge

(While looking in the mirror after an afternoon in the sun ...)
Amalia:  Look!  I have rosy cheeks just like the second President of the United States!


(Baylor wants a Nerf gun that has a foam saw on the front of it for fighting off zombies ... *sigh*)
Baylor:  Mom, I won't be able to cut bread with this one, though.
Me:  No?
Baylor:  Nope.  But I will use it to cut cheese!



Me:  Baylor, do you want some breakfast now, or do you want to wait for your sister to wake up?
Baylor:  I want to wait for when SHE wants to have breakfast.
Me:  (smiling)  Okay.
Baylor:  Mom, I really like Mollie.
(Given how I felt way back when, this was music to my ears.  He loves her, that I knew, but I am overjoyed he actually likes her.)



(While watching MSU play football ...)
Amalia:  Why do they have those binkie-like things?



Amalia:  (Boy from her class) tells me a lot of things at recess.  He told me that his dad got a robot arm.
Me:  Ooh, very cool!
Amalia:  I didn't think it was very cool.  I mean, it's not going to work without the rest of the robot!
Me:  Ah.
Amalia:  How is it going to move without being hooked up to the rest of the robot?  I know stuff about robots because my brother has one.

That's What They Said: Open to Interpretation and Trouble

Amalia:  Shhhh!  I don't want the toaster oven to see me!
Me:  You don't want the toaster oven to see you?
Amalia:  No!  It's a bad guy camera!
(sneaks away)


(After being asked not to say "crap" anymore ...)
Baylor:  Mom, when can I get in the pool?
Me:  Wait until the big hand splits the two in half.  (about 2 - 3 more minutes)  That should give your sunscreen enough time to soak in.
Baylor:  That long?!  Ugh!  It's freakin' hot out here!
Me:  (laughter)
Baylor:  Uh oh, did I say "crap"?



(When tending to her dahlias, some of which were giving her fits ...)
Oma:  Baylor, could you ask Aunt Christine if the problem child needs any water?
Baylor:  (after thinking for a moment)  Aunt Christine, does Mollie need any water?



Baylor:  Mom, your thoughts have inspirated me.

That's What They Said: Learning All Sorts of Things

(While playing Brain Quest ...)
Baylor:  Oh, Mollie, I will give you the second grade one!  You will know this.
Amalia:  Okay!
Baylor:  What are the names of the Great Lakes?
Amalia:  Oh ...
Baylor:  You want my help?
Amalia:  Sure!
Baylor:  Okay, let's say them together!
Both:  Michigan ...
Baylor:  Huron ...
Amalia:  The Lake ...
Baylor:  What?  No.
Amalia:  Yes it is!  Remember, sometimes we say, "We're going to The Lake!"?
Baylor:  (sighing)  Okay, I'll show you a different way.  It'll help you remember it.  Huron ... Ontario ... Michigan ... Erie ... Superior.  How many was that, Amalia?
Amalia:  I don't know.
Baylor:  It was five.  There are five Great Lakes, and you can spell the word HOMES with the first letter of each of them.  H - O - M - E - S
Both:  (singing)  H, O, M, E, S!  H, O, M, E, S!



(After hearing my watch buzz on the hour ...)
Baylor:  It's 9:00!
Me:  Nope, it's 8:00.
Baylor:  Oh.  I thought I woke up at 8:40 not 7:40.  Oh well.  Misunderstandings!



(While watching the Tour de France ...)
Baylor:  Why aren't they speeding?
Bryson: Well, because they are working really hard going uphill.  They'll go faster when they go downhill.  Just wait.
Baylor: Is anyone going to hurl?


(While watching the Olympic track and field trials ...)
Bryson:  Oh, well it looks like we're watching another long race.
Me:  How long is it?
Bryson:  5,000 meters.
Baylor:  That's a long run!  Is anyone going to hurl?



Amalia:  My (imaginary) daughters are at their house doing experiments and they broke the sound barrier!  And now they don't know how to fix it!
Bryson:  (smiling)  They broke the sound barrier?
Amalia:  Yeah!  And they don't know how to fix it!  So I told them, "Well, just break it again!"

That's What They Said: Special days

(As I was hugging her after an "it's a snow day" revelation when I went to get her up for the day ...)
Amalia:  Mooooom!  I am uncomfortable!
Me:  Oh, sorry.
Amalia:  Mooooom, I am fragile!
Me:  (chuckling)  Oh you are?
Amalia:  Yes, I am fragile.  Everyone is fragile, Mom, because there is only one of each person.



Amalia:  Mom!  Did you know that we might see (classmate)?!
Me:  You mean while we are in Florida?
Amalia:  Yes!
Me:  (Classmate) is going to Florida for spring break, too?
Amalia:  Yes!
Me:  Is (classmate) going to Marco Island?
Amalia:  (indignant)  I don't know!  He is going to regular Florida!
Me:  (smiling)  Regular Florida?
Amalia:  (exasperated)  Yes, regular Florida.  I asked him which Florida he was going to and he said, "Regular Florida".
Me:  (smiling)  Okay.  Well, maybe we'll see him.



(After getting a tooth pulled at 9:00 p.m. on a school night ...)
Baylor:  (tearfully)  Guys, I am sad.  That tooth was my favorite.
Bryson and I:  Aww, buddy!
Baylor:  (still a bit upset)  And, wait ... which one is your sweet tooth?  Do you just have one tooth that is sweet?



(The morning of the first day of spring break ...)
Baylor:  I am as excited as a guinea pig on the first day of school!!!

That's What They Said: Fashion and Science Confound

This is just one long conversation this morning, and spacing it like I usually do was quite difficult to read, hence the extra spacing.

(While trying to pick out clothes on a particularly cold morning ...)
Me:  Baylor, did you pick out a blue sweatshirt?

Baylor:  Um, hmm.  (his current "yes" response)

Me:  (thinking he was going to be wearing blue pants with it)  Oh, Baylor, you're going to be a vision in blue!  Now, Amalia, I like this combination.  I think the long underwear are going to keep you warm enough today.

Amalia:  Mooooom, but I want to wear all one color like Baylor!  It's like being a spy!

Me:  Okay, well let's see what you've got.

(searches pant drawer and closet the little result)

Me:  Well, Amalia, did you know that not all spies dress up all in one color?

Amalia:  They don't?

Me:  No.  Sometimes they actually wear disguises.  Do you know what a disguise is?

Amalia:  What is it?

Me:  It's where you dress up like someone or something else.  You could do that today!  (she looks at me quizzically)  Do you know who you could dress up like?

Amalia:  (slightly pouting)  Who?

Me:  You could dress up like me!  I wear long underwear and jeans almost every day, and today I am going to wear an undershirt, a CuddlDud top, and a sweatshirt just like we picked out for you!

Amalia: But what is going to be on the outside?  You know, that everyone will see?

Me:  Jeans and my Michigan State sweatshirt.  (seeing that she was unhappy about the MSU sweatshirt)  And while I know YOU don't have an MSU sweatshirt, I know your brother does.  I bet he'd be willing to lend it to you.  Plus, my sweatshirt is a little big on me and his would be a little big on you!  What do you say?

Amalia: (looks at me even more skeptically)  Well, ...

Me:  AND, Mollie, did you know that people actually think you look a lot like me?

Amalia:  (surprised and skeptical)  They do?

Me:  Yes!  I get that all the time.  And I even have proof online.  I posted a picture of you wearing that red jumper online - because you looked so cute - and I had SO MANY people say how much you looked like me!  I had friends from when I was little say, "Oh, Nicole, she looks JUST like you!"  (seeing her doubting all this)  And, I had a friend from college, college, say, "Nicole, she is like a little mini you!"

Amalia: (clearly unhappy)  But people will look at you and see you are an adult and see that I am a kid!  And how do I look like you?

Me:  Well, maybe they'll think I got shrunken down or something.  And as for you looking like me, well genes are a funny thing.

Amalia:  (quite perturbed)  Mooooom, I don't like jeans!  (explaining it to me)  I just don't see them in my drawer.  I look and look, and on gym days or even not gym days I wear the other things in my drawer.  Not anything from this (the jeans) pile!

Me:  (smiling)  I know, and it boggles the mind, my dear.  I wear jeans every day!

Amalia:  Well, I don't.

Me:  Okay, well, I am going to let you make the decision.  I think Grandma will really like the outfit we have picked out here, but if you want to change it that is fine.  Just make sure whatever you choose is warm enough.  And please bring it down when you guys come down for breakfast.  Oh, and if you do want to wear your brother's MSU sweatshirt, it is already downstairs and it's clean.

Amalia:  Okay.

That's What They Said: Oh, Amalia!

Me:  Mollie, I know you were upset that you didn't get to come shopping with Aunt Christine, Oma, and me yesterday, but I am actually glad you didn't come.  I don't think you would have had much fun.
Amalia:  (very serious)  Why?  Did you guys get in a fight?!  (puts up her fists and puts on her angry voice)  "No, I don't want to!"  "But I DO!"  "Agrgghrhrh!"



Amalia:  (to Bryson)  Hot Daddy!  Hot Daddy!  Hot Daddy!
Bryson:  (a bit mortified and yet a little amused)  Amalia, why are you saying that?
Amalia:  Because you're hot!
Bryson:  (skeptical silence)
Amalia:  (as if we should already know)  You drank your hot coffee, Daddy, and now you are hot inside!
Bryson and I:  (relief)  Ahh.



Amalia:  Mom, did you know that (classmate 1) and (classmate 2) are half person, half Polish?
Me:  (smiling)  Bryson, did you hear that?  (he shook his head)  Amalia, Daddy didn't hear.
Amalia:  (Classmate 1) and (classmate 2) are half person, half Polish.
Me:  Yeah?  Half person, half Polish?
Amalia:  Yup, they told us that at school today.

That's What They Said: Starring Baylor

Bryson:  Did guys know that this year is an important historical anniversary?  800 years ago?
Me:  (whispers to Bryson)  The Magna Carta?
Bryson:  (whispers back)  Yeah.
Kids:  Um.  Uh.
Bryson:  It was an important document written 800 years ago?
Baylor:  Microsoft Word!
(Then most of the applesauce I was eating shot into my nose.)


Baylor:  (in his sweetest voice)  Mom?  You know, (garbled) you're pretty smart.  (smiles)
Me: (smiles back then wonders)  Baylor, did you say, "For a mom, you're pretty smart."?
Baylor:  (smiles)  Yeah.  You know, you and Dad are actually pretty equally smart.
Me:  Thanks, b.


Baylor:  Happy birthday, Mom!  Hey, what time were you born?
Me:  Oh, buddy, I don't know for sure, but I think the time has already passed.  I want to say that I was born at, like, 7:23 (a.m.) or something.
Baylor:  Aww, so at this time 34 years ago you were just born!
Me:  (smiling)  Yup.
Baylor:  (putting his hands on my shoulders and looking right at me, smiling)  Mom, you are getting SO old!
Me:  (smiling)  Aw, thanks, buddy.
Baylor:  (smiling almost wistfully)  And mom, the older you get the better mom you are.
Me:  (smiling)  Aww, buddy.  (hugs all around)



(One morning right after they got downstairs ...)
Amalia:  (snuggling up to Baylor)  Mmmmm!  How are you so warm?!
Me:  Well, you see, your daddy and your brother have this thing inside them for some reason that makes them hot boxes.
Baylor:  (laughs)
Amalia:  (snuggling in more)  Mmmmmmm!
Baylor:  (gets up to get a Lego catalog)
Amalia:  Uhhhhhh!  Baylor!  I need my little hot box!!!

That's What They Said: Revelations

Me:  Kiddos, we need to BE AT the doctor's office in a half an hour!  Please get ready!
Baylor:  Mollie!  We have to be at the doctor's office in a half an hour!  We have to hurry!
Amalia:  Baylorrr!  I don't know how to tell time!  I don't know what that means!
Baylor:  It means we have to hurry!
Amalia:  Okay!



(About 20 minutes before she is supposed to get up for school ...)
Amalia:  (calling) Mommyyyy!  Mommyyyy!  Mommyyyy!
Me:  Mollie, what's up?
Amalia:  Mommy, something really weird is happening.
Me:  Yeah, sweetie, what's that?
Amalia:  My teeth make the whole room shake.
Me:  What?
Amalia:  My teeth make the whole room shake!  This has never happened before.



Me:  Amalia, what did I ask from you this morning?
Amalia:  (whining)  To help you with the caaaar?
Me:  Well, I did ask you for that, but what did I ask for first?
Amalia:  (whining)  I don't knooooooow.
Me:  To not whine and carry on?
Amalia:  Ughhhh.
Me:  And please don't pout.
Amalia:  (whining)  But that's my main face!



Baylor:  Mom, did you make my bed?
Me:  No, but I can.
Baylor:  You can make me a new one when I outgrow the one I have now?
Me:  Oh, I thought you meant make the bed, like straighten out your sheets and stuff.  No, I didn't actually make your bed.  It used to be your crib, and we were able to change it into your toddler bed, then your current bed.  (Insert a very long conversation about who actually did all the conversions and what it took to accomplish them ...)  Besides, you won't outgrow this bed until you are in college or in a house of your own.
Baylor:  Really?
Me:  Yeah.  Most people don't get the size bed you have until they are older.  I didn't get your size bed until I was in seventh grade, and I don't know if Daddy ever had your size bed.  He got a bigger bed when he moved out on his own.
Baylor:  Wow, I am really lucky!  Well, and they probably didn't have as many beds back then.
Me:  Back when?  When Daddy got his bigger bed?
Baylor:  Yeah.
Me:  Baylor, that wasn't that long ago.  It was in the 2000s.
Baylor:  (astonished)  Whoa.  When did you get married?  How old were you when you got married?
Me:  We got married when I was 23, almost 24.
Baylor:  Wow, Mom, your life is passing by really quick!
Me:  (stunned silence)
Baylor:  I mean, you are really old, but it wasn't all that long ago that you got married.




(While I was hugging Bryson, Amalia came up and hugged my legs.)
Amalia:  Mommy, since you are giving one of your hugs away to Daddy I am going to give you one so you don't run out.
(And my heart melted.)

That's What They Said: The All Amalia Edition

Amalia:  Mom, that was a bad time for that bug to be here.
Me:  Yup, especially for the bug.  (He/she is now deceased.)
Amalia:  Moooom, because of that bug (pause for dramatic effect) my life changed forever.
Me:  (smiling at her mastery of drama)  Yeah?  It did?
Amalia:  Yeah.  Now, to me, this house is creepy.



(While we were playing the Brain Quest SMART game ...)
Bryson:  What country is just south of the United States?
Amalia:  Um ...
Bryson:  Okay.  I went there not too long ago.  Actually, I have been to two countries recently.  I went north to a country called Canada.  Then I went south to ...?
Amalia:  Los Angeles?
Me:  (smiling)  Well, sweetie, that is actually a city in the United States.
Amalia:  (silence)
Bryson: (sounding out the first letter)  Mmmm ...
Amalia:  Mississippi?
Bryson:  (smiling)  Nope.  Mmmmmme ...
Amalia:  (silence)
Bryson:  Mmmmmex ...?
Amalia:  Mexichussetts?
Bryson:  (smiling and laughing)  That is awesome.  But no.  Mexic ...?
Amalia:  (jubilantly)  Mexico!



(In the middle of a friendly game of Trouble and completely out of the blue ...)
Amalia:  (sobbing uncontrollably)  I miss loving the color piiiiiiiiink!





Amalia:  (running inside after taking a walk outside with Oma)  Mommy!  Mommy!  I finally have something to put in my diarrhea!
Me:  (laughing)  Your what?
Christine:  (laughing)  Wait, do you mean your diary?
Amalia:  (relieved)  Yes!  My diary!
Me:  (still laughing)  Yeah, sweetie?  What are you going to write in there?
Amalia:  Well, I am going to write, "Dead squirrel.  Oma threw three leaves (actually branches) and then we thought they winded back but it was a bunny!"

(Later on ...)

Amalia:  (talking about writing the letter "e" and how I write it a bit on the lazy/cursive side)  Mommy, I'll just put a crisp one in my diarrhea.

That's What They Said: Knowledge Here and There

Amalia:  (jabbering on at dinner)  At at my restaurant, we have a pasta special.  It has every kind of pasta on the Earth in it!  Including ravioli.  (pauses)  What's with the oli?!





Bryson:  What are our bodies made of?
Amalia:  Syllables?
Bryson: (smiling)  What?  No, not quite, honey.  They're made up of atoms.




Baylor:  (analyzing a song from Pink Floyd's The Wall)  "We don't need no education"?  That's a double negative.




(At dinner ...)
Amalia:  You know?  Milk is one of my favorite foods now!
Me:  You know what, Mollie?  Milk is one of my favorite drinks, too.
Amalia:  Ooh, and water, too!  I love water!
Me:  I like water, too, but it's not always my favorite.
Amalia:  (very confused)  Why is it not always your favorite?
Me:  Well, sometimes it is really good, but sometimes it can have a funky taste.  Ooh, but a nice cold glass of good-tasting water on a warm summer day?  Now that's awesome.
Amalia:  Yeah, and you don't want to drink boiling water.  Now, THAT would be bad.
Me:  (VERY confused)  Boiling water?
Amalia:  Yeah, boiling water.  You know?  Remember when Grandma drank that bad-tasting boiling water when we went out with her?
Me:  (realizing she meant carbonated water)  Ah, yes, I do.  (smiling)
Amalia:  Yeah, and she said we could taste it, and Baylor wouldn't , but I did and then I spit it out.  And it got ... on one ... of my French fries.

That's What They Said: A Little of Him and a Whole Lot of Her

Baylor:  Mom, do you know why I am going to study rocks?
Me:  (not hearing him correctly)  I bet you are.
Baylor:  (not caring that I didn't hear him correctly)  I am because diamonds, hello?!




Amalia:  Mommy, I am Stinker Bell.
Me:  (after thinking for a brief moment)  Yup.
Amalia:  Okay, now I'm Amalia again.





Amalia:  Mommy, I want to cook my last game.
Me:  (completely confused)  You want to cook your last game?
Amalia:  Yeah, cook.  You know, what we did to Baylor's last game.
Me:  Ahh!  You want to toast your game!  (as in, clink glasses together at dinner kind of toast)





(Amalia informed me that she would be packing five dresses, along with other clothes she'd picked out, for an upcoming trip.)
Me:  Mollie, I think five dresses is a bit too many.  Can we try cutting it back to four?
Amalia:  (reluctantly)  Sure.  (surveys her dress choices and selects a pretty purple one)  I'll put back this one.
Me:  (sad that she didn't pick an old leopard print dress to put back)  Oh?  How come?
Amalia:  (in her "expert" voice)  Well, I just didn't think it was very Outer Banks-y.
Me:  (smiling)  Oh, really?  Is the leopard print dress "Outer Banks-y"?
Amalia:  Yes, it is.  And this purple dress isn't very putt-putt golf-y either.
Me:  Well there you go.




(After reading part of Magic Tree House book no. 35 ...)
Amalia:  (quite seriously)  Mommy, you do NOT want to be a duck when you meet Elvis Edison.
(That's supposed to be Thomas Alva Edison.  I have not had the heart to correct her.)

That's What They Said: Well That Makes Sense

Amalia:  Let's not name this ant.  We don't know if he's a boy or a girl.


Baylor:  My skull is really hard!
Amalia:  My skull is harder than a trillion donuts!



Me:  Kids, while I am getting the ladybug out of the living room can you set the table, please?
Both: Sure!
Baylor:  (to Mollie)  Mollie, let's do the Uptown Funk You Up!  (singing)  Up-town funk you up!  Uptown funk you up!  (on repeat)
Amalia:  (singing)  Up, down, punky row!  Up, down, punky row!
Baylor:  Mollie!  That is NOT how it goes.  It is (enunciating) Up Town Funk You Up. (then continues singing as usual) Uptown funk you up!
Amalia:  Ohhh!  Up-town funky row!  Uptown funky row!
(and then later ...)
Amalia:  Up-down punky row!  Up down punky row!

That's What They Said: Mollie-isms and Misplaced Trust

Me:  (upon realizing my adorable daughter was going to wear a plain black turtleneck, a'la Dieter, to school the next day)  Mollie, why are you wearing that tomorrow?
Amalia:  Oh!  Well, I am going to have a baby tomorrow!
Me:  Ah, I see.  Well, that's exciting!  (still not understanding about the black turtleneck connection but choosing to let it go)
Amalia:  Yup, but it is not in my tummy.
Me:  (now really not seeing the connection)  No?
Amalia:  Nope.  It's in my baby's grandma's tummy.
Me:  (beyond confused)  It is?
Amalia:  Yup, my baby's grandma is going to run it through.
Me:  (stumped but amused)  Alright.


(After opening a birthday card from Toys R Us and finding a $3 coupon inside ...)
Amalia:  (excitedly)  I have GOT to scissor this out!



Me:  (whispering)  Baylor, we need to talk about what you want to get your sister for her birthday.
Baylor:  (whispering hesitantly)  Um, I don't ... wait, whose money am I spending?
Me:  (whispering)  Mine.
Baylor:  Oh!  Okay!
Me: (whispering)  Okay, so I will give you $20 to spend on a gift for her.  Do you have an idea of what you'd like to get for her?
Baylor: (whispering)  Yes, a _________.
Me:  (whispering)  Well, Baylor, Daddy and I are actually taking care of that.
Baylor:  (excitedly whispering)  You are?!  Tell me about it!
Me: (whispering)  Well, Baylor, can you keep it a surprise?  It is really important that you keep it a surprise because your sister LOVES birthday surprises.  I thought about involving her in it and she didn't want to because then it wouldn't be a surprise.  Can you keep it a surprise?
Baylor:  (whispering earnestly)  Yes, I can.  I will keep it a surprise.
Me: (whispering)  So this is what we're doing.  (whispers the basics about the gift)
Baylor:  (frantically whispering the instant I stopped talking)  Uh oh!  (clasps hands over mouth)  I can't keep it a surprise!  I can't keep it in!
Me:  (loudly and laughing at it all)  What?!  Baylor!  You said you could!  (instantly learned my lesson)  You've got to!
Baylor:  I can't!  It's gonna burst out of me!  (clasps hands over mouth again)
Me:  (whispering)  Baylor, you have to keep this a surprise!  Did you lie to me about it or did you just not realize how cool the idea would be?
Baylor:  (whispering)  I didn't know it would be so cool!  I can't keep this in!
Me:  (upon realizing Amalia was nearby)  Hi, Mollie!
Amalia:  What was all the laughing for?
Me:  Well, here's what happened.  (rehashed the story, leaving out the key details)  And now he doesn't think he can keep it a secret.
Amalia:  I don't want to know.  I like surprises!
Me:  I know.  Can you tell that to him?  I don't think he believes me.
Amalia:  Baylor, I really like birthday surprises, okay?!
Baylor:  (worriedly)  But I CAN'T keep it in!  I have to tell!!!  (clasps hands over mouth again)
Me:  Baylor, you can always talk to me about it.
Baylor:  No!  That won't help!
Me:  Okay, well you could always tell the Mr. Bears!
Baylor:  (looking at me like I should already know this ...)  They can't keep a secret!

That's What They Said: So Grown Up

(While looking at the "At the Airport" page of her Sticker Dolly Dressing book ...)
Amalia:  Mommy, look.  Those are NOT pants.
Me:  Nope, they're not.
Amalia:  Nope, they are cartilage.
Me:  Cartilage?  (looking at the picture of a suitcase)  Oh, you mean it's "cargo" or "luggage"?
Amalia:  Yeah, luggage.


(While attempting to play Clue with Baylor ... and yes, they were playing all the pieces)
Amalia:  (in a very "adultish voice")  Baylor, may I make a suggest?



(While going over my schedule for the day ...)
Me: And then at 12:30 I meet with Tamara ...
Amalia:  Who is Tarrara?
Me:  Tamara is my coach.
Baylor:  Your coach for what?
Me:  Well, I have this thing called ADD, which stands for Attention Deficit Disorder.  It means I have trouble paying attention.
(The kids looked at me knowingly at this point.)
Amalia:  So what does she do?
Me:  Well, she's helping me learn to organize my time better so I can get more done and be a better mommy for the two of you.  (smiling)
Amalia:  (looking at me doubtfully)  Be a better mommy?!?  But there is no such thing!
(And my day was officially made.)



Oma:  (excitedly) Baylor, would you like to wear a tie to Steve and Katie's wedding?
Baylor:  (emphatically)  No, I would not.  If I wear a tie, people will swarm around me and ask for my autograph!



Amalia:  Mommy, what are taste bugs?