The ADD Monster

Most of you probably don't know this, but I have attention deficit disorder (ADD).  I wasn't diagnosed until my freshman year of college, though it seems to have been present all my life.  My mom always wondered why it took me hours to finish my homework, but because I don't have the hyperactivity component that many people have and always did well in school it was just an annoying habit I seemed to have.  After I was diagnosed, I took Ritalin for a little while and learned ways to cope with the disorder as best I can.  But, as much as it drives me and those close to me crazy, I can't shake it; it's part of who I am.  It affects my everyday life in so many ways, ways I can't even describe to you.  Simple tasks become endless odysseys, trips to the store take an eternity, and time is lost in the blink of an eye.  Our house is a bit of a mess most days, and my to-do list is unending.  Why, you ask?  Here's what happens when I try to do a simple task ...

The scene: Both of the kids are down for a nap after lunch, and I'd like a drink of water before I get to cleaning up the downstairs.  After filling up my cup, I realize the Brita needs to be refilled.

The task: Refill the Brita.

• Go to the sink, see that the dishes from lunch are in the way of getting the pitcher under the faucet.  Put the Brita on the counter to do enough dishes to get it under the faucet.
• See that Mollie's bib needs to be washed.  Wash it before the oatmeal hardens, then take it into the laundry room to hang it on the drying rack.
• While in the laundry room, remember that I wanted to do the laundry while the kids were napping.  Hang up Mollie's bib then head upstairs to sort clothes.
• Start sorting the clothes in our bedroom.  Ahh, the towels haven't been washed in an eternity ... better do those first.
• Notice that the toilet paper is low; get that from under the sink.   Catch a glimpse of self in the mirror and realize eyebrows have gone Sasquatch ... pluck immediately.
• Grab all the towels and bathmats and chuck into a basket.
• Resume sorting all the clothes.  Bring most important load downstairs to be washed.
• Get the load in the washer.  Meanwhile, notice that the laundry room stinks to high heaven.  Promptly take out the trash in the diaper pail.
• Go to the fridge to grab a York Peppermint Patty for a snack and notice the Brita is missing. 
• Resume doing the dishes so the Brita can be filled.
• Refill the Brita.

This was the shortest example I could think of.  Seriously.  Almost all of my tasks end up being a giant circle; start one spot, get sidetracked, start tens of other tasks, end up at first task and complete it, then move to one of the other tasks I started along the way.  Repeat.  It's infuriating.

To cope, I try really hard to write down what I can (my thoughts are often fleeting), make sure things have their proper home and try to return them to their home as soon as possible after use (cuts down on the number of times I get sidetracked), and go as fast and as hard as I can for as long as I can so I get the most done (that's what she said). 

So why am I writing about this?  Well, in part to raise awareness for ADD; a lot of people have heard about it, but not a lot of people know exactly how it affects an adult.  I think most people think of it as a childhood disorder, but there are a lot of adults out there (Hi, Aunt Diane!) who struggle with it everyday.

I'm also writing about it to help explain why I've been so silent on the blog lately.  I want to write on it so badly; I think about it all the time.  But my circuitous way of life keeps me going from the time I get up until the time I go to bed. 

I'm working on it.  I am.  And please know that I haven't gone away; I will post more pictures and write more soon.  As soon as I can ... it keeps me sane, you know?

Have a wonderful night!

"Did You Make Your Bed Today?"

"Did you make your bed today?"

This was the very question my mother asked me the other day as I chatted with her on the phone about coming over to watch the kids for me while I raked leaves. 

"Huh?" I replied.  I hadn't heard that question from her since I was a teenager living at her house, so I was a bit puzzled. 

"Did you make your bed?  You know, in your efforts to become more mindful?  Didn't you read the article you posted on your blog?  I thought that's why you were inspired to rake leaves."

I had read it, but I didn't remember any part about making your bed or raking leaves. 

As it turns out, my mom was referring to another article written by the same writer that had been referenced in the article I read.  This one spoke of a mindful home, and I devoured it as I had the first.  In all its simplicity, it told how taking the time to enjoy and reflect in the act of taking care of one's home can lead to mindfulness, "to improve our lives with special contemplative consideration, a method for making saner choices and assuring better outcomes". 

I looked outside at the thick carpet of leaves spread over our lawn and decided it was going to take more time than I had anticipated, so I called my mother-in-law over for some early help.  While she stayed inside with the kids, I tried my best to immerse myself in the act of raking leaves.  At first the task itself seemed daunting; the leaves were wet and sticky with rain, and they covered almost our whole side-yard and a good majority of our driveway.  But as I worked I tried to keep a positive outlook on things and noticed that things weren't as bleak as they initially appeared.  Because the leaves were damp, they didn't fly about when the wind blew - and it did - and once I got them down to the compost pile at the opposite end of our property they easily slid out of the wheelbarrow like a giant leaf turd, no shaking or fancy shimmying necessary.  And the leaves themselves were gorgeous; a wonderful cacophony of color turned over with every pull of the rake. 

Yes, there were times during the raking that I lost my mindfulness, that I allowed the negative and whiny to creep in.  And as they crept in, the task got harder and more mistakes were made; leaves missed the wheelbarrow and made another pile for me to take care of, I hit one of the many potholes in our backyard and sent a wheelbarrow punch directly to my breadbasket, and my breathing became more labored.  As soon as I cleared my head and focused on the leaves and the act of just raking, the task became easier and more freeing.

It took me an hour and ten minutes to finish, but by the end I felt rejuvenated.  No, I had not captured all the leaves; the wind was blowing new leaves off the trees every moment that passed.  But the pile was gone and I was satisfied with my efforts.  And I was bolstered by my new try at mindfulness, ready to conquer the giant pile of clothes in our hamper and the dirty dishes in and around the sink.  Is it easy, this effort of being in the moment and enjoying a particular task?  Not at first, and not always for a person whose mind tends to go a mile a minute.  But I have found that it's worth the effort, making each moment count and reveling in the fact that I have these things in my life to do. 

And now, on to the day.  I hope yours is a great one!

Little Lady in the Window

She caught a glimpse of her reflection in the window and made her way over to make friends with the other baby in the room.

I think she could have stared all night.

Enjoy! 

Go Green, Little B!

This was a momentous weekend for our little man ... he got to attend his first Michigan State football game!  And it was homecoming, no less!  How cool is that?

Because it was a noon game, we had to get an early start to the day, which meant waking him up.  Surprisingly, he was in a really good mood!  Awesome!

He and Daddy got breakfast in their Spartan gear.

And after dropping Mollie off with my mom, we set forth in Oma's New Car to East Lansing!  Grandpa E drove, and Aunt Christine kept Little B company in the middle row.

My dear sister was looking particularly lovely, so I took a picture of her.

As you can see, she decided to return the favor after I dozed off.  Thanks, Christine!

The campus was abuzz with nervous excitement, and as we walked from the Y lot to the stadium we drank in all the sights and sounds of game day.

Baylor's first walk along "the banks of the Red Cedar"!

We finally reached the stadium and stopped for a photo op.

Dad and Christine went to get food, while Bryson, Baylor, and I went up to the seats to get situated.  Baylor was entirely overwhelmed by the noise and all the people, but he took it in stride.

He ate his pizza like a big boy for the very first time!  And hey, it only took him an HOUR to get through that one piece!  Ah woo hoo!

The weather was fantastic: 64 degrees and sunny.  It truly was a beautiful day for football!

Since he's only two, Baylor is a little short on attention span, so I brought a bunch of activities with us to keep him occupied.  Coloring is the best!

When it got noisy, he'd hold Bryson's hand.

And I taught him as much as I could about football.  I believe I was telling him about "getting sacked" here.

The halftime show was great, but I was really hoping they'd play "Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini" as that's Baylor's current favorite song.  Sadly, they only played songs with "boogie" in the title. 

Baylor was pretty interested in it, though.

After halftime, Baylor and I headed down to the ladies' room to change his diaper.  I decided to give him a little time to run around in the concourse for a while, and he really perked up when he was able to move around a bit.  We ended up doing an entire lap of the stadium.  There must have been a Melting Moments stand every ten feet or so, and soon Baylor had made up his mind that he wanted one of the delicious ice cream sandwiches he saw on the carts.  So, once we made it back to our section, we shared one!

While we were walking around, Baylor got to see the section of the marching band that travels around the stadium perform for some concession stand workers.  It was pretty cool but a little loud for the little guy.  One of the girls selling Melting Moments gave him some party beads to wear, which he almost gave away to a saxophonist he fell in love with during our walk.  Seriously, he was flirting hardcore with this girl ... she did have a really nice smile, I must say.

Anyhow, I eventually got him back up to the seats and we broke out the stickers I had stashed away.  Those were great fun until they ran out.  Then he moved on to inspecting Bryson's seat cushion.  And trying to stick a sticker to it, of course.

And since he only had a slice of pizza for lunch, I figured he might want a little snack.  Fish crackers it is!

It was so nice getting to share this first big MSU adventure with him!

The game was great, though I didn't catch most of it.  And honestly, I didn't care; I was with my boy, helping him enjoy his first football game as much as he could.

In the end, we won, keeping our winning streak alive!  Go green!

As the marching band played the fight song when the game ended, Baylor had a look on his face like he finally understood what the whole fight song thing was about and that other people beyond our family knew it.  It was just a little smile of recognition, but it was there.

It was a really fun day!

The walk back to the car was beautiful and warm.  And Baylor seemed to enjoy watching all the people while atop Bryson's shoulders.

His favorite part of the day, though, may have been getting to push the crosswalk button by the bridge at Farm Lane.  It beeped and talked ... what more could a kid ask for?!

Once we got him into the car, he got super drowsy ...

... and within minutes he was asleep.

I tried moving his head out of this position, but it kept sliding back down.

Just before we got home he woke up and played with his "new" beads.

Mollie had a lovely time with Oma, though she was under-the-weather for most of the day.  But she was happy to see us all when we got home ... someday it'll be her turn to go to a football game!

All in all, it was a beautiful day for football!

Article: 8 Ways to Raise a Mindful Child

I saw this article on Huffington Post tonight, and it was so beautiful I just had to share it with you. 

Regardless of whether or not you have children, I think it is a great read and could easily be applied to all the important people in your life.  (Aside from reading picture books and brushing teeth - those are pretty kid-specific.)

Enjoy the article!  And have a beautiful day!

Sponsored By The Letter "S"

So yeah, today is sponsored by the letter "s".  We've had a multitude of "s" things in our life today and I thought I'd share them with you.

First, a silly Stetson.  (Mollie is going to be a cowgirl for Halloween, so I thought I should make sure the hat fit.)

Next, smiles with saliva!

Oh, and the stickers!  (Check out the couch!)

And, since he's sick, snot bubbles and MORE saliva!  (I had a picture worse than this, but I didn't post it ... you're welcome.)

Then, during lunch ... sleep.

Sweet, sound sleep.

That's some super saliva!

Baylor ate squash and a sandwich for lunch, and I've used enough sanitizer to dry out my hands for life!

So yes, today is indeed sponsored by the letter "s". 

Have a super day!

An Open Letter to Baylor and Amalia

In each of my kids' baby books there is a place for the mom to include a letter to her child (there's one for the dad, too - no worries).  Ever since Baylor was born, I have been trying to figure out what to write to him, then to Amalia ... and I finally figured it out.  I thought I'd share it with you.  Hope you like it!

Dear kiddos,

There are many things I want for you in this life, some of which I can't even articulate.  Obviously I want for you health, happiness, and love, but I feel like those are the broad strokes of life.  There are other things I want for you, more specific things that I want you to reach for, be, and embrace. 

These are those things.

Kindness above all; to be kind is everything.

Be stewards of the earth; we only have one and we should all do our part to keep it healthy.

Speaking of health, be good to your body.  It can take you a long way if you take care of yourself.

Live life with joy in your heart.  Find happiness in the everyday.

Patience is indeed a virtue ... apply it liberally.

Don't let people walk all over you, and don't walk all over other people.

Live simply.  Try to surround yourself with only the people and things you love.

Cultivate a love of reading and writing ... there are no greater outlets or escapes.

Do good, be good - not because you'll get something out of it (e.g., money, fame, a spot in heaven) but because it is just plain the right thing to do.

These are the things I want for you, my little miracles.

Love always,

Mama

Better Than This

What I'm about to say is not a cast out into the waters, fishing for compliments or encouragement.  It is an admission, solely for the purpose of being human and possibly helping other mothers out there feel less alone, should they find themselves feeling similarly.

My children deserve better than I've been giving them.  I have been feeling increasingly, as of late, that I'm not doing right by them in so many situations.  I could use the excuse that I'm chronically tired or that I'm deprived of this or that, but none of it justifies being anything less than stellar for these two amazing children.

Case in point, we met up with some friends the other night for dinner and to celebrate a birthday.  I, of course, forgot the birthday gift in my haste to leave the house (late, no less) and we had to trek back to the house after dinner.  Which ordinarily would have been fine except my friend's kiddo was at the beginning of a cold.  After assurances that she was probably fine, and against my better judgment - the lure of a night with friends was insatiable - they came in the house and stayed ... until 10:20 p.m.!  Yes, we all have children.  Yes, they are all 4 years-old or younger.  And they all stayed up with us.  Long story short, the kids went to bed late, and Baylor and Bryson have ended up with colds.

I knew the little one was sick, yet I let her in the house and allowed her to touch all my kids' stuff.  I knew what time my kids' bedtime was, yet I allowed our friends to stay far beyond it.  Why?  I don't know.

I do know that this, and other such instances, have me going to bed every night feeling guilty for not doing better, not being better.  When I was a kid, believe it or not, I was a bit of an insomniac; I'd stay awake for hours thinking and concocting stories in my head.  The insomnia has returned, albeit to a much lesser degree - no doubt in part because I am exhausted and burning the candle at both ends, because of these guilty feelings. 

The house is falling apart slowly but surely, and somehow it feels like I'm stuck in quicksand, unable to halt the incoming tide of clutter.  Without a doubt, it feels like I am behind on everything, and eventually the kids will notice.  I don't want their lives to be affected by my ADD-style household, but it feels like they will be. 

I have to do better.  I will do better.  I just have to figure out how.

My Girl at Six Months

Amalia is six months old ... can you believe it?!  Already she is eating three meals of baby cereal everyday, and just this past weekend she tried pureed peas for the first time.  She's not a fan, but I think they're just not as sweet as the food she's used to.  Hopefully she'll learn to love them.

She is becoming quite the little character these days.  She loves Baylor and grins from ear to ear whenever he walks by or interacts with her in any way.  On this day, he actually chose her entire outfit ... can you tell?

She smiles so much!  My favorite smiles, other than the ones directed at me, are the ones that come after every single sneeze she has.  She could be sobbing, but if she sneezes there WILL be a smile afterwards.  It's just her.
 

Miss Mollie is extraordinarily curious; she will tear herself away from nursing if there is an interesting noise nearby or something else to look at, and she has to be up in the mix of things with everyone else.

She's turning into quite the amazing little girl, and I can't wait to see how her personality develops!

Southwestern Turkey Chili

Yeah, I really don't feel like posting another recipe, but Blogger isn't allowing me even the chance to upload pictures right now, so there ya go.

I got this recipe out of the Sunday paper a couple weekends ago, courtesy of a Del Monte ad, and it was delicious!

Southwestern Turkey Chili
Prep time: 3 minutes
Cooking time: 20 minutes
Servings: 4 to 6

Ingredients
3/4 lb. ground turkey*
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 can (14.5 oz.) Del Monte Diced Tomatoes
2 cans (8 oz. each) Del Monte Tomato Sauce
1 Tbsp. chili powder
1 can (15.25 oz.) Del Monte Whole Kernel Corn, drained
1 can (15 oz.) low-salt kidney beans, drained

Directions
1. Cook turkey with onion in a large skillet, 5 minutes.
2. Add undrained tomatoes, tomato sauce, chili powder, corn, and beans.  Cover and simmer 10 to 15 minutes.
3. Serve with shredded Cheddar cheese, lime wedges, and top with light sour cream and cilantro, if desired.**

*The ground turkey I found only came in 1.5 lbs. packages so that's what I used, and it didn't seem too meaty to me.

** I just put Cheddar cheese on top and it was delicious. 

Also, I used as many "no salt" options as I could find at the store.  It really didn't need all that extra sodium, and the flavor was still fantastic.