Friday, March 6, 2015

That's What They Said: Mollie-isms and Misplaced Trust

Me:  (upon realizing my adorable daughter was going to wear a plain black turtleneck, a'la Dieter, to school the next day)  Mollie, why are you wearing that tomorrow?
Amalia:  Oh!  Well, I am going to have a baby tomorrow!
Me:  Ah, I see.  Well, that's exciting!  (still not understanding about the black turtleneck connection but choosing to let it go)
Amalia:  Yup, but it is not in my tummy.
Me:  (now really not seeing the connection)  No?
Amalia:  Nope.  It's in my baby's grandma's tummy.
Me:  (beyond confused)  It is?
Amalia:  Yup, my baby's grandma is going to run it through.
Me:  (stumped but amused)  Alright.


(After opening a birthday card from Toys R Us and finding a $3 coupon inside ...)
Amalia:  (excitedly)  I have GOT to scissor this out!



Me:  (whispering)  Baylor, we need to talk about what you want to get your sister for her birthday.
Baylor:  (whispering hesitantly)  Um, I don't ... wait, whose money am I spending?
Me:  (whispering)  Mine.
Baylor:  Oh!  Okay!
Me: (whispering)  Okay, so I will give you $20 to spend on a gift for her.  Do you have an idea of what you'd like to get for her?
Baylor: (whispering)  Yes, a _________.
Me:  (whispering)  Well, Baylor, Daddy and I are actually taking care of that.
Baylor:  (excitedly whispering)  You are?!  Tell me about it!
Me: (whispering)  Well, Baylor, can you keep it a surprise?  It is really important that you keep it a surprise because your sister LOVES birthday surprises.  I thought about involving her in it and she didn't want to because then it wouldn't be a surprise.  Can you keep it a surprise?
Baylor:  (whispering earnestly)  Yes, I can.  I will keep it a surprise.
Me: (whispering)  So this is what we're doing.  (whispers the basics about the gift)
Baylor:  (frantically whispering the instant I stopped talking)  Uh oh!  (clasps hands over mouth)  I can't keep it a surprise!  I can't keep it in!
Me:  (loudly and laughing at it all)  What?!  Baylor!  You said you could!  (instantly learned my lesson)  You've got to!
Baylor:  I can't!  It's gonna burst out of me!  (clasps hands over mouth again)
Me:  (whispering)  Baylor, you have to keep this a surprise!  Did you lie to me about it or did you just not realize how cool the idea would be?
Baylor:  (whispering)  I didn't know it would be so cool!  I can't keep this in!
Me:  (upon realizing Amalia was nearby)  Hi, Mollie!
Amalia:  What was all the laughing for?
Me:  Well, here's what happened.  (rehashed the story, leaving out the key details)  And now he doesn't think he can keep it a secret.
Amalia:  I don't want to know.  I like surprises!
Me:  I know.  Can you tell that to him?  I don't think he believes me.
Amalia:  Baylor, I really like birthday surprises, okay?!
Baylor:  (worriedly)  But I CAN'T keep it in!  I have to tell!!!  (clasps hands over mouth again)
Me:  Baylor, you can always talk to me about it.
Baylor:  No!  That won't help!
Me:  Okay, well you could always tell the Mr. Bears!
Baylor:  (looking at me like I should already know this ...)  They can't keep a secret!

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