Me: (upon realizing my adorable daughter was going to wear a plain black turtleneck, a'la Dieter, to school the next day) Mollie, why are you wearing that tomorrow?
Amalia: Oh! Well, I am going to have a baby tomorrow!
Me: Ah, I see. Well, that's exciting! (still not understanding about the black turtleneck connection but choosing to let it go)
Amalia: Yup, but it is not in my tummy.
Me: (now really not seeing the connection) No?
Amalia: Nope. It's in my baby's grandma's tummy.
Me: (beyond confused) It is?
Amalia: Yup, my baby's grandma is going to run it through.
Me: (stumped but amused) Alright.
(After opening a birthday card from Toys R Us and finding a $3 coupon inside ...)
Amalia: (excitedly) I have GOT to scissor this out!
Me: (whispering) Baylor, we need to talk about what you want to get your sister for her birthday.
Baylor: (whispering hesitantly) Um, I don't ... wait, whose money am I spending?
Me: (whispering) Mine.
Baylor: Oh! Okay!
Me: (whispering) Okay, so I will give you $20 to spend on a gift for her. Do you have an idea of what you'd like to get for her?
Baylor: (whispering) Yes, a _________.
Me: (whispering) Well, Baylor, Daddy and I are actually taking care of that.
Baylor: (excitedly whispering) You are?! Tell me about it!
Me: (whispering) Well, Baylor, can you keep it a surprise? It is really important that you keep it a surprise because your sister LOVES birthday surprises. I thought about involving her in it and she didn't want to because then it wouldn't be a surprise. Can you keep it a surprise?
Baylor: (whispering earnestly) Yes, I can. I will keep it a surprise.
Me: (whispering) So this is what we're doing. (whispers the basics about the gift)
Baylor: (frantically whispering the instant I stopped talking) Uh oh! (clasps hands over mouth) I can't keep it a surprise! I can't keep it in!
Me: (loudly and laughing at it all) What?! Baylor! You said you could! (instantly learned my lesson) You've got to!
Baylor: I can't! It's gonna burst out of me! (clasps hands over mouth again)
Me: (whispering) Baylor, you have to keep this a surprise! Did you lie to me about it or did you just not realize how cool the idea would be?
Baylor: (whispering) I didn't know it would be so cool! I can't keep this in!
Me: (upon realizing Amalia was nearby) Hi, Mollie!
Amalia: What was all the laughing for?
Me: Well, here's what happened. (rehashed the story, leaving out the key details) And now he doesn't think he can keep it a secret.
Amalia: I don't want to know. I like surprises!
Me: I know. Can you tell that to him? I don't think he believes me.
Amalia: Baylor, I really like birthday surprises, okay?!
Baylor: (worriedly) But I CAN'T keep it in! I have to tell!!! (clasps hands over mouth again)
Me: Baylor, you can always talk to me about it.
Baylor: No! That won't help!
Me: Okay, well you could always tell the Mr. Bears!
Baylor: (looking at me like I should already know this ...) They can't keep a secret!