Running With My Shadow

I started writing this on Friday the 22nd, but I was pretty excited to finish the book The Help (awesome, by the way) and I didn't end up finishing this until tonight.  So, when reading this, imagine that you are back where you were two days ago.  You there?  Okay, here ya go!

I have been running for a couple weeks now, something I never thought I'd do given that I couldn't even run a mile in gym class in high school, but I have come to love getting out in the fresh air and feeling the pavement beneath my feet.  On days my husband works, I get up around 5:15 a.m. to get ready and get running by 5:50 a.m.; yes, I move slowly in the morning ... so sue me.  (Okay, I move slowly all the time, who am I kidding?)

Anyhow, I get going by 5:50, running a mile-and-a-half in about 19 or 20 minutes followed by a bit of walking to get my heart rate back down, so I can get back and shower before my husband gets up to shower himself.  As much as I hate getting up so early, I know that this is, realistically, my only shot at exercise.  Once the kids are up, my focus shifts to them and "me time" is typically scant.

Yesterday and today, though, I have noticed a change in my run.  No longer am I running in the soft light of dawn.  All of a sudden I have started to run with my shadow.  The daylight is still so low that the streetlights are still on, casting my shadow onto the street and lawns I pass by.  And every time I see my shadow I know my days as a runner are nearly over.  I don't like being out in the morning by myself with it so dark; after what happened in town earlier this month, I am a little more nervous than usual. I would have never thought something so horrible could happen just miles from our house, and just three doors down from where I lived as a child, but it did. I know I don't have an abusive spouse or anyone else I know that would likely harm me, but it just creates an unsettling feeling in me that I can't seem to shake.  The day after the shootings, I even started shutting my garage door when I leave to protect my family as much as I can.

On top of the anxiety over safety, there is the issue of the weather, in particular the temperature at that time of day.  I have jaw issues and they tend to flare up when it is cold out.   Now, the last two days have been exceedingly warm in the morning, so cool weather hasn't been an issue yet, but I know it likely will be soon.  Just last week we had a few colder mornings, one so cold that by the time I started my cool-down walk I had to hold my ear because it was aching so badly.  As wimpy as it sounds, at about 60 degrees the air temperature combined with the coolness of the "wind" I'm generating as I run, my jaw just can't handle it.

So, by the end of the weekend, I will be officially done with my regular running.  Hopefully, at some point, I'll be able to sneak in a run here and there; I really do enjoy it.  I'm going to miss the fresh air, the feeling of doing something good for my body and health, and seeing all the animals out in the early morning; once the kids get up I tell them what I saw on my run and Baylor speculates which Beatrix Potter characters I saw.  I won't have that while I'm riding the stationary recumbent bike in our bedroom (in the dark, I might add).  But it's exercise, and hopefully it'll keep me in decent shape through the winter.

I ran this morning, Sunday the 24th, just as the sun was peeking over the horizon.  (In case you don't know, that's at about 6:24 a.m.)  I actually ran my usual route in 16.5 minutes, pretty awesome for my standards.  I guess it was one last hurrah before I finished running for the season ... well, for the year, I guess.  I'm proud of myself for trying to run for exercise again, and my experience has bolstered my confidence that I'll be able to start up again next year around the same time.  Until then, I'll just have to get my fresh air playing outside with the kiddos.  Sounds like fun to me!