A Stimulating Experience

As I mentioned previously, I have been utterly exhausted lately.  To the point where I'll fall asleep while reading to Baylor ... in broad daylight.  Even if I had a "good" night's sleep (read: no one woke me up in the middle of the night), I was still dragging, unable to pull it together.  I even started getting that tingly feeling you get in your arms and legs right before you go to sleep while I was getting the kids lunch or playing with them.

Unsure of what was going on, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor and he ordered some blood work to be done prior to the visit.  Of course, the blood work came back negative, so I expected the visit to basically be, "Nicole, you need to get more sleep.  That'll be a billion dollars, please."

Luckily, my doctor is awesome and knows my history.  What's my history, you ask?  Well, I have what is defined as "idiopathic hypersomnolence", basically I'm really tired/sleepy, most of the time, for no particular reason.  I can fall asleep quickly; during my sleep study a while back I could be clinically considered asleep in under three minutes - it takes the average person about fifteen minutes to enter "sleep".  I could sleep ten hours and still feel tired.  I am not usually refreshed by sleep or naps, and particularly after naps I experience what is called "sleep drunkenness" - basically I appear to be drunk, half asleep, stumbling around.  (This is precisely why I don't take naps ... you shouldn't be, or appear to be, drunk around your kids, right?)  Oh and, because I have two small children who need me and who I am very happy to be there for, I don't actually get ten hours of sleep a night; I get more like six, seven if I'm lucky and planning ahead.

I also have ADD which, because I do not have the hyperactivity often associated with ADD, can cause you to feel excessively tired when not engaged in something active.  My sleep doctor basically said it's like my brain needs stimulation to keep it going or it just slows down to a sleepier state.

So, what's a girl to do?  My doctor said his wife is likely hypersomnolent like me, and because their youngest child is six, she is able to go to bed at 9:00 and wake up at 8:00 and function a little better.  As he correctly noted, I do not have that option.  Basically, my only course of action, at this particular point in time, was to try a stimulant medication.  We weighed the costs and benefits of it.  It could potentially affect Mollie because I am still nursing her, but the changes (increased irritability, weight loss, unable to get down for naps or bed) would be immediately noticed and would not be permanent.  It also tends to suppress appetite, so there was concern that I would lose weight on this, even though I am at an ideal weight for my stature.  But, if it worked, I would be more awake and able to function better throughout the day.  Plus, the extended release version of the medication he wanted me to try (Concerta) would be easier on my system, particularly my kidneys or liver (I forget which), and seems to be generally well-tolerated.

Armed with as much knowledge as I could, I decided to try it.  The first day, a couple weeks ago, was hell; within an hour of taking it I felt jittery and I had to sit down.  Not a great start, to say the least.  But it got better; day after day I got more used to the jittery feeling and found that if I ate a little more it helped a little.  Some days are still sucky and I just plow through it.  I have to say, though, I think the medication is helping.  I'm not bone-crushingly tired all the time.  Yes, I'm still tired, and the exhaustion can be particularly bad if I haven't had a good night's sleep.  But isn't it that way for everyone?

I have noticed my appetite waning a bit, and as a result I've lost a little weight.  But if I make a conscious effort to eat when I should be hungry, I can hopefully avoid losing any more weight.

So, we'll see.  I'm hoping that once I am able to get a little more sleep this medication will do even more to help keep me awake and focused during the day.  Until then, it's helping all it can.