Bullied and Angry

Do any of you have an "arch nemesis"? Someone who strikes fear/loathing/anger/etc. into your heart? I do, and she's getting to me these days.

Her name is Stella, and she used to be my boss when I worked at a ladies' clothing store (that shall remain nameless). I have never encountered anyone like her before or since, and no one makes me feel a whole gamut of emotions like she does - all negative, mind you. This woman tormented me, berated me, belittled and berated customers (which, I believe was her downfall at this particular store - with her, the customer is ALWAYS wrong), and had me in tears more times than I care to remember. I almost quit several times because of her, and every time I saw her I could feel my whole body change; my pulse would quicken, my brow would bead with perspiration, my skin would go cold and clammy. She was, without a doubt, one of the most unpleasant people I have ever had to be around.

So why does this matter now? Why, after probably five years does this woman from my past continue to haunt me? Because she now works at a store in our mall that I have been frequenting recently. And she works a lot, so I see her almost every time I go in there. The first time I saw her, I nearly passed out; I wasn't expecting her to be there and I could feel myself instantly transported back to the summer I worked with her. I suddenly felt both ill and incredibly small, and I quickly exited the store at the mere sight of her.

I don't think she recognizes me when we see each other; we only worked together for a few months one summer, thank goodness, and we didn't work together all the time. I was probably just a blip on her bully radar. But to me she is terror personified.

I want to tell her off, to make her feel as badly as she made me feel, but I doubt that's even possible. And part of me knows she has probably felt some hurt in her life that has made her so cold, harsh, and cynical ... but that doesn't excuse it. And, quite frankly, her customer service skills are abrupt at best; I called her store today - praying she wouldn't answer - and, of course, she did. I knew it was her the minute she said, "Hello" - before she even got out her name. She was curt and impatient with me as I asked my simple questions and answered them as if I was a moron.

And I felt it all over again. Bullied and angry.

So I steel myself up for this woman, this woman who makes me so angry and uncomfortable. She has no bearing over my life; she never really did. But, all the same, if I don't steel myself against her abrasive character I might end up lashing out, stooping down to her ugly level to make her feel something ... anything. And anyone remotely resembling her is the last person I'd want to be.

In the end, I just wonder how I get past her, and others like her I'm sure to encounter as I move through life. I don't want her to have this place in my life; it gives her too much power, too much importance. But how do I forget and forgive?

Maybe I'll figure it out this holiday season ... Christmas is all about miracles, right?