I had to make a trip to Hallmark today as November is a big birthday month for many of our family and friends. As Little B and I were walking the aisles, he started smiling at this lady who was looking at some baby cards. She was probably in her early 30s, casually dressed, her hair and makeup soft but definitely done.
"Hi, there!" she said to him, in a cheery voice.
He smiled back at her and tilted his head against his stroller, acting coy and adorable all at once.
"How old is he?" she asked.
"He's almost 14 months old." I replied.
"My son is 15 months old and you (now speaking to Baylor) look about as big as he is. You must be a big boy. My son is a big boy, too."
"He is a big boy." I smiled.
"Are you a naughty boy?" she then asked out of the blue.
"Oh, no," I said, slightly shocked. "He's a very good boy."
"Oh, you look nice and calm. My son is a naughty boy." Then she looked at me. "If he were here, he'd be going crazy.
Then, that was that. I smiled at Little B as we continued to look through the cards. We hadn't gotten out of the house as quickly as I'd hoped we would this morning, so he was already getting tired, but still he sat there, taking it all in and marveling at the cards before him.
After we said our hellos to the clerks (I know many of them because I used to work at that particular store), we headed out to the car. Baylor's eyes were starting to rim themselves red, as they tend to do when he gets tired, and I knew a nap was in store for him when we got home. Knowing his patience was probably wearing thin, I tried my best to get him excited about getting into his car seat - not his favorite place in the world - by allowing him to buckle the chest straps himself; he's actually gotten quite good at it, and it helps for him to have a task he can feel good about completing. He smiled at me, and we exchanged little kisses after he was all buckled and tightened.
Climbing into the front seat, I started thinking about what that lady told me about her son. That he was a "naughty" boy - at 15 months old, no less. Why on earth would you tell a complete stranger that your son is naughty? Aren't we, as parents, supposed to boast about our children at every turn? And what would her son, once he is old enough to understand, think about what his mom said about him? Is she creating a self-fulfilling prophecy by labeling her son as such? Will he forever be the "naughty" boy?
Now, I'll admit, my son is probably pretty easy compared to most kids; he is curious but can easily be distracted to something else, has preferences but isn't stuck to them, saves his smiles and cries for when he feels strongly about something, and generally sleeps through the night. He may have trouble napping from time to time, but he gets there eventually and either way we work through it. Overall, he's a calm, lovely little boy. Yes, I know I'm lucky ... I thank my lucky stars every day for my little man. But even if he was willful, mischievous, trying, or threw tantrum after tantrum, I don't think I could ever call him naughty to someone else. Especially at 15 months of age when he still doesn't seem to have the understanding needed to be knowingly manipulative or defiant.
If she was telling me this about him, what does she say to his face? And if she doesn't say things like this to him, won't her obvious perception of him come across in the way she treats him?
Maybe I am naive to say this, but I think instead of labeling and pigeon-holing our children as "this" or "that", we should try to help them become the best versions of their true selves. Perhaps her son just doesn't have the proper outlet for his excitement or curiosity or whatever it is that makes him "naughty". Sometimes immersing yourself in your child's world can help, letting go of everything else around you and playing like he/she plays, seeing like he/she sees. Or maybe her little boy just needs extra patience and love and doesn't know how else to get it.
Whatever the case, I truly believe what we say and to whom we say things about our children is important. They may never hear what we say to strangers, but thoughts can be felt with the heart as well as the ears.
Be kind to those you love, big and small.
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