Me: Baylor, it says here on the calendar that you get to make noise makers in school today! Doesn't that sound like fun?
Baylor: What are noise makers?
Me: Well, I don't know exactly what they will be, but sometimes they are little things like maracas that you can use to make noise.
Baylor: No, I think it is talking about the other kids in my class. They are noise makers.
Baylor: (while sitting on the potty and reading labels of cleaning products and soap on the sink) It says, "Kills 99.9% of germs". What does that mean?
Me: Well, germs are things that can make us sick, so we use stuff like that to keep our house clean so we can stay healthy. I have to go check on Mollie, I'll be right back, buddy.
Baylor: (a minute or two later as he's washing his hands, crying) Mommy! Mommy!
Me: (running into the bathroom) What's wrong, buddy?!
Baylor: (crying a little harder) I'm killing all my germs!
Baylor: (sweetly) You get a Lego set for Mother's Day! It's the Death Star. Here you go!
Me: That's great, buddy, but you know what I really want? I really want you and your sister to eat.
Baylor: (not-so-sweetly) NOOOOO!!!! I WILL NOT EAT! That is NOT the gift I am giving you.
Me: Baylor, the best gift you could give me would be to eat without crying and carrying on and taking forever.
Baylor: NO! Eating will make me die!
Me: Oh, Baylor, it won't make you die.
Baylor: Yes it will! It will kill 99% of me!
Baylor: (in a serious voice) I am a spy. (then light-heartedly) I am also a restaurant owner!
Me: You guys, I am going to shovel snow while you are taking your nap/rest today.
Amalia: Mommy, why don't you wait for spring? It is almost here, then the snow will be all gone!