I have been wanting to write about the goings on with Jon and Kate Gosselin for a while, but I haven't quite known what to say. I have watched the show sporadically since the beginning, but it always felt a little weird to me. And I can't say I've been the biggest fan of Kate (if Jon had hit her the way she hit him people would have been up in arms), so I haven't always enjoyed watching the show.
Last night's episode was anything but enjoyable. Hearing two people that were, once upon a time, so in love with each other talk about the dissolution of their marriage was heartbreaking, gut-wrenching. But I think it is important to see what has happened to them. I know hundreds of people are picking apart their lives, criticizing them up one side and down another, and I hate to follow suit, but it's hard to see an obvious error in behavior and not want to talk about it.
Kate said last night that her focus is on her children, that they are the most important thing to her, and I believe Jon said the same. And while that might seem admirable on the surface, I think it could possibly one of the most detrimental things to a marriage. You have to have the love for your partner first and foremost. Children are easy to love; it doesn't take any effort and it is pretty much guaranteed to always be there. But marriage takes work; you have to put in a lot of time and attention or the love will slip away like sand through your fingers.
While it may seem selfish to put so much time and work into your marriage, it really is one of the best things you can do for your children. Marriage isn't just for adults; it's for the kids as well. Staying together, showing them what love is and how it can enrich your life, that is your job. Be there for them and each other.
Some days it will seem like too much. Some days will be devastatingly difficult. And maybe Jon and Kate got bogged down with those days. Maybe they took the easy roads the whole way and didn't take time to pump energy and life into their marriage. After only six months (so they claim) of unhappiness, they are divorcing, cleaving from one another; I say they should have tried a little harder, a little longer - for themselves and for their eight children.
Just my opinion; hope I wasn't too long-winded. Sorry for jumping on the bandwagon.
3 comments:
Nicole, this is a REALLY interesting perspective on marriage and the whole Jon and Kate thing. I haven't heard anybody put it this way before but I like your thinking.
I couldn't agree with you more, relationships and MARRIAGES take A LOT of work. You're right, sometimes you have to remind yourself to put in the effort with your significant other because that love might not come as easily as the love for a child.
I agree that Jon and Kate gave up much too quickly, I think that if they really had the childrens best interest in mind they would have tried harder, I also think this is a ploy to boost ratings. That's just me though.
The other thing to think about it is how being "celebrities" has affected their marriage. I think that is more of a problem than the kids are to be honest. Having children and a marriage is hard enough, then add in the fact that they are getting a lot of outside attention. It certainly gives more temptations for cheating and feeling like you could "do better". Also, Kate is now traveling a lot which is making Jon resent her etc etc.
I disagree that kids are easy to love (haha, kindergarten teacher here sorry) but we tend to work on our relationships with kids a lot more (think of all the effort Jon and Kate take to have "special time" with each kid). I completely agree with you that you have to work on your marriage for yourself AND for the kids.
@ Amber - Thanks for the comment! I hope you're wrong that this is a ploy to boost ratings, but it seems like nothing is out of bounds these days so who knows.
@ Kelly - Thanks for following this little blog and for commenting! I do agree with you that celebrity probably took its toll on their marriage, but I think that the underlying problems were there. And regardless if you are celebrities, putting your kids before your marriage is dangerous. I think the effort they take with the "special time" for each child is to make the child feel more loved and to get to know their kids a little better (which could be difficult because they have so many).
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