So, I woke up in the middle of the night (3:45 a.m.) last night to pee and while getting out of bed my brain went into my blog voice and started writing out this post as I tried to roll from left to right then get out of bed. Deciding I didn't want to lose it to the inevitable amnesia sleep would bring, I hand wrote this post while I was in the loo. I am going to type it out exactly as I wrote it (single spelling error and all) so you have all the nuances of my sleepy brain. Enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~
I had to pee in the middle of the night last night. This was no easy task as some of my pillows had adjusted mid-sleep and, upon shifting, left me in a less-than-desirable position. My left leg was rendered essentially useless by some type of mysterious temporary paralysis, leaving only my right leg to do the work of rolling over so I could get out of bed.
I moved the pillow out from between my knees ... pain but no additional leverage gained.
Then I tried moving the pillow out from behind my back, hoping to let gravity or something roll me over. But, alas, I was stuck in that position like a roasted potato left too long in the pan.
My sleepy mind then started calling myself Roger; my only thought is that it needed someone to cheer on.
I soon realized my left leg was still pinned by a triangle of sheets near my foot, and upon freeing it I was able to slowly roll to my back.
Not a great position to be in as I am now shaped like a backwards turtle.
Roger was stuck.
Really not wanting to wake up my husband, I soldiered on. Yes, I'm horribly stubborn ... sue me.
My left leg, though free, had been crushed by my body weight for hours and was rendered useless by pain at my hip joint. Better than the previous paralysis, but still undesirable.
I scooted my right leg closer to the edge of the bed then painfully moved my left leg into a bent position, knee sticking up into the air (not unlike the awkward position my husband sometimes assumes during sleep). With this slight bit of nearly useless leverage I tilted myself gently to my right.
Suddenly I longed for the days in the not-so-distant future when I'd have a catheter or a nurse to help me out of bed.
"Don't think like that, Roger!" I chided myself. "We can do this!"
Then, somehow, I was miraculously able to get part of my body over the edge of the bed and daringly let gravity roll me the rest of the way out.
Upon standing, I realized my left leg was again paralyzed though this time I knew, like most early mornings, it was from the fear of intense pain.
As I had already started writing this post in my head (and really didn't want to lose it) and couldn't move anyways, I took a moment to grab a pen and pad of paper on my way.
Then, after using the bathroom, I sat there on the toilet, risking hemmoroids and sleepy legs, and write out this entire post.
No shit.
Three handwritten pages later, both legs were horribly asleep, my mind was slightly more awake, but I was creatively satisfied.
Ahhh.
Back to bed for 2 more hours.
Good night, Roger.
~~~~~~~~~
I had to pee in the middle of the night last night. This was no easy task as some of my pillows had adjusted mid-sleep and, upon shifting, left me in a less-than-desirable position. My left leg was rendered essentially useless by some type of mysterious temporary paralysis, leaving only my right leg to do the work of rolling over so I could get out of bed.
I moved the pillow out from between my knees ... pain but no additional leverage gained.
Then I tried moving the pillow out from behind my back, hoping to let gravity or something roll me over. But, alas, I was stuck in that position like a roasted potato left too long in the pan.
My sleepy mind then started calling myself Roger; my only thought is that it needed someone to cheer on.
I soon realized my left leg was still pinned by a triangle of sheets near my foot, and upon freeing it I was able to slowly roll to my back.
Not a great position to be in as I am now shaped like a backwards turtle.
Roger was stuck.
Really not wanting to wake up my husband, I soldiered on. Yes, I'm horribly stubborn ... sue me.
My left leg, though free, had been crushed by my body weight for hours and was rendered useless by pain at my hip joint. Better than the previous paralysis, but still undesirable.
I scooted my right leg closer to the edge of the bed then painfully moved my left leg into a bent position, knee sticking up into the air (not unlike the awkward position my husband sometimes assumes during sleep). With this slight bit of nearly useless leverage I tilted myself gently to my right.
Suddenly I longed for the days in the not-so-distant future when I'd have a catheter or a nurse to help me out of bed.
"Don't think like that, Roger!" I chided myself. "We can do this!"
Then, somehow, I was miraculously able to get part of my body over the edge of the bed and daringly let gravity roll me the rest of the way out.
Upon standing, I realized my left leg was again paralyzed though this time I knew, like most early mornings, it was from the fear of intense pain.
As I had already started writing this post in my head (and really didn't want to lose it) and couldn't move anyways, I took a moment to grab a pen and pad of paper on my way.
Then, after using the bathroom, I sat there on the toilet, risking hemmoroids and sleepy legs, and write out this entire post.
No shit.
Three handwritten pages later, both legs were horribly asleep, my mind was slightly more awake, but I was creatively satisfied.
Ahhh.
Back to bed for 2 more hours.
Good night, Roger.
2 comments:
Hahahaha. Omigoodness. This post is quite hilarious!
That is totally something I would do, lol.
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